Coming to Korea this summer was not a very DELIGHTFUL thing from the beginning and i didn’t like the idea of having to face..all these..issues
1. FAT. I’M FAT. AND UGLY
I’ve been hearing this TOOOOO many times since i got here. i know i’m pretty chubs myself and i need to be working out/be on a diet/barely eat so i could be at least somewhat close to the chopsticks over here. But it actually HURTS hearing that i’m super fat. I tried to hide from people but since i had to go out and ride the subway sometiimes..i have like NOTHING to where considering how everything i wore in the states pretty much revealed the shape of my body. SO I WORE WINTER CLOTHES TODAY. i’ve been hearing harsh remarks of how fat i am, how irresponsible i am, and how i have absolutely NO SELF CONTROL.
:( this really saddens me. i try to think opposite. but it’s true.
2. I can’t walk. People have been asking if i’m HANDICAP.
this has been going on for an year, but it’s been worse since i stepped into this land. I have 족저근막염 and some other disease i forgot it’s name ..and because of that i can barely walk. BARELY. i LIMP. and people have been asking my parents ‘WHAT’S WRONG WITH ESTHER. IS SHE HANDICAP? WHAT’S WRONG WITH HER?’ and my parents told me they are TOO EMBARASSED. which is why i have to hide from my church people and have to hide my face in church. i can’t even stay at church after service for like 10 minutes cuz i’m a shame- FAT, LIMPING, DARK SKINNED….abnormal being. Hearing this just made me feel ..really bad
3. I’m suppose to give up on biola and go to a KOREAN UNIVERSITY
NO. NO. NO.
I can’t stand another day staying here really. I just can’t stand korea, it’s mind set, it’s stereotypes..and SO MANY THINGS. i can’t stand it. and i’m definitely not GOING TO LIVE HERE FOR 4 YEARS. i’m sorry dad. i know US is freaking expensive and even going to biola costs 35,000 a year WITH SCHOLARSHIP. but still………………….. i dont wanna stay in korea. stop forcing me..please dad
I sound really ignorant, annoying, self-pity-ish. right now
But this is what i’ve been going through the past few days here. and i’m so embarassed. I know being fat&ugly’s a sin (especially to the people here)…but i’m gonna try. i’m gonna try…to lose weight..and maybe not get a plastic surgery like 80% of other college students here but..at least TRY to look pretty.
SO PLEASE ………………………………..
okay i have to chill and be calm.
i’m valuable in God….thank God for God.
Healing camp with JYP
-This showed the different side of JYP. A side I never knew. But it also helped me to think about the relationship between God and men.
First of all, JYP- grew up in a Christian family. With a father who was a jangronim and a mother who was a gwonsanim- devoted or not, it was sure that he grew up with that firm basic Christian background.
However 2008- he decided to change his religion to Agnostic- or just..no religion at all. He saw a Buddhist family praying and thought ‘if i was born from that family i would have been a buddhist’- so he basically didn’t see why he needed to be Christian.
Previously, the songs and dances- costumes, music vides of JYP has been very provocative. And I can actually assure that even from now on, it probably will be. So it was hard to find any sense of ‘Christianity’ growing in the roots of all that- but really, God talks and works in many different forms.
Most people, when it comes to religion-first grab on to the ‘knowledge’ of God.
They say ‘Yeah, I believe God. Yeah, I go to church.’ -but is it really through the personal belief and relationship with Jesus Christ, or has it really become a part of ones daily life?
But many do, eventually- through life - figure that ‘Yeah, THIS is why God is the creator of life’ -like fitting all the puzzle pieces together.
In the case of JYP, it was backwards (a case between inductive and deductive reasoning). He didn’t believe in a sole creator-nor he just wasn’t SURE. He didn’t first go on and say ‘Yeah I believe in a God’ when he actually didn’t. Instead, throughout his life- and everything he went through- he experienced, and learned that ‘THERE HAS TO BE A GOD’ and through his life experiences and learnings - he realized ‘Oh, there IS A CREATOR OF ALL THINGS!’
He said so many things that I thought ‘Wow. this is definitely significant in even approaching to those who are not christians’
but most of all I did want to elaborate on one thing…
JYP- said his goal at first was to earn lots of money. Then it was fame. But he said that most of that was luck, and there HAD TO SOMEONE IN LIFE who was directing him althrough. Now that, is really a humble confession. It’s so easy - when you’re at the top- to be prideful, and believing in yourself even more. That’s why some people end up worshiping themselves. Soley trusting in themselves. But JYP- He sensed God through his success, now THAT is the proof that God has been with him all those years. And has been speaking to him, and he is now beginning to realize all that and hear all that.
Many people even at the bottoms slums in their lives, realize and recognize- a God who made them. And through their desparation- they meet God.
People meet God- in troubled times and blessed times.
People meet God- in the high peak of their life, or their darkest failures.
Regardless, WE NEED A GOD.
WE NEED A GOD WHO WATCHES OVER US, CONTINUES TO GUIDE US- AND THE CREATOR OF ALL- THE ONLY ONE WHO FULLY INSTRUCTS/KNOWS OUR MANUAL.
And we can only be used in our highest potential BY/IN/THROUGH HIM.
And God…..talks to us all along our lives…
so I wanna ask
where are you in your life, and what is God trying to tell you?
